Drumroll Please

She's walking.

But this is old news. 

Cecilia was taking 2-3 steps at a time a week or two before her first birthday. At the very first of October, she had worked her way up to 5-6 steps before she would fall down or sit down to crawl.

The following video was taken on the 8th of October. I got a video of her walking several days before that to try to get her wobbly, unsure steps, but there was some kind of problem, and my tablet didn't store the video.

She's still pretty new at it in this video, and I love how she moves the whole side of her body with each step. She reminds me of a little cowgirl.

About 2 weeks ago, she decided she was just going to get it figured out once and for all. She would walk across the room and then slowly pivot, pivot, pivot on one foot until she was turned around to cross the room again. At the end of the week, she got to practice walking all over the empty church building while Grant set up to cast a live feed of Stake Conference to our building.

Now she is working on running. She's in a big hurry to do all that her siblings can do.

Role Reversal

I took this picture last month, on Eleanor’s birthday.

I had completely forgotten about my last post and all the trouble I was having with Phaedra. She has been much better; I think it goes in waves. This week, she was my superstar! She hopped up and got to work on chores whenever I asked her to, and once she finished, she asked for more! She was very helpful and obedient in many ways, and I have told her so many times. We have still had some bedtime trouble with her and Curtis, but at least our daytime has been better. I’ll take what I can get, and we’ll work on the rest.

On the other hand, Eleanor has decided to be trouble this week. She and Phaedra are very different forms of trouble. Phaedra is a loud, boisterous, and also screechy form of trouble. Eleanor is just a slow, lazy, space-case form of trouble. We had a lot of difficulty with responsibility and following through this week. I got so fed up, we grounded her from TV for the whole week. She would be asked to go clean her room, and a half hour later, I would find her reading a book, never having touched her room. Or she would move at sloth speed when picking up a room. Or she would be upstairs getting ready for school and get caught reading or playing around instead.

Let me say that I love having an avid reader. I love how much Eleanor loves to stick her nose in a book. But I don’t love finding her reading whenever she knows she’s supposed to be doing something else! Grant got pretty fed up with her this week, too. She got assigned to load the dishwasher each night (her most loathed chore) besides all her regular chores. Every time she did something else (like leave her spelling list at school so she could come home, spend a half hour “trying to remember her spelling words” and then say she wouldn’t be able to do her spelling homework), we tried adding extra chores, but that didn’t work. She did her regular chores so slowly (in spite of our nagging, prodding, and threatening) that she had no more time left to do extra chores.

We kept at it all week, and I can say that we’ve seen some improvement in the last few days. It took a long time at first to impress upon her the gravity of her situation. I think she thought she could appeal to the parent who wasn’t as upset. We tried to make it very clear that we were equally upset. I don’t know what finally did it, but she has gotten better.

While I’m mentioning good things about Phaedra, I wanted to write down this moment from the first of our week. Since General Conference, our family has decided to “ponderize” one verse of scripture every week together. This week, we told Phaedra it was her turn to choose the scripture we would ponderize for the week. Grant told her on Sunday to think about what scripture she might want and she could tell the family during Family Home Evening on Monday.

She told Grant that she already knew which scripture she wanted us to ponderize: John 14:15.

“If ye love me, keep my commandments.”

I figured she must have been taught about that scripture recently in Primary and thought nothing of it.

On Monday evening, when she presented her scripture to us, Grant asked her why she wanted to do that scripture. She said she remembered it from Carole M. Stephens’ talk from General Conference. She told us she liked the story she told about the little girl who kept taking off her seatbelt in the car.

I was so impressed! I remember Sunday of General Conference weekend. After the morning session, I asked the kids what talks they enjoyed from conference, and I was met with blank stares. I told them that conference was not just for the grown-ups. I told them I really wanted them to listen to the next session to see what they could learn, and I would ask them again what talks they remembered after the afternoon session.

I was thrilled that evening when I asked Eleanor and Phaedra what talks they remembered and they mentioned Sister Stephens’ talk, with the story about the girl who took off her seatbelt and Elder Keetch’s talk about the barrier keeping sharks away from the surfers. I was glad they had paid attention and listened as I had asked them to do. But my joy was even greater still when, weeks later, Phaedra still remembered that scripture and felt it was important after paying attention to conference. Grant and I were so proud of her in that moment.

Sisters

I’m trying to get back into blogging a little more regularly. But most of the time, when I sit down when I finally get a moment of quiet, I either want to fall asleep or at least shut down my brain. Compiling a string of pictures and actually telling a story about them is just too much.

But to give you something, I told myself I could muster just one picture, and I grabbed the first one that stood out to me. Baby steps, people; baby steps. I took this on Phaedra’s birthday last month. I snapped a few pictures just before school. Phaedra was having fun doing poses for me, and this was the first one I took after asking Eleanor to jump in. I love it.

I needed to see it tonight because there have been days (recently) when I have struggled with one of these girls . . . really, really struggled. I imagine you can guess which one, but if not, I’ll give you a hint: the younger one. They say you either marry or give birth to your greatest challenge in life. I did NOT marry mine.

One of Phaedra’s friend’s moms texted me last night to see if she could come over to play today. I was already having a hard time with Phaedra, but I thought we could turn it around. I even used the invitation as motivation. I gave her so many chances to shape up. When Grant eventually got home last night, he gave her so many chances. She blew it. Time and time again. She wouldn’t do chores. She wouldn’t obey. She wouldn’t stop when asked to stop. To say that my patience is wearing thin would be an understatement.

I usually hate to keep her from an opportunity to get out and be social. I usually do everything I can to turn a negative situation even a tiny bit positive so I can get away with saying yes. There was no way for me to do that this time. As much as I wanted her to go, I kept her from going to play with her friend. I thought it might be the only way to get through to her.

Today she showed some improvement, but I’m not extremely impressed. I wanted so badly to be impressed. That’s probably why I just want to shut off my brain or go to sleep. I love Phaedra so much, and I know she has a lot of amazing, redeeming qualities. But she also knows exactly how to suck the life right out of me.

So enjoy the picture. I’ll try to say something more positive and upbeat next time.

Showing Kindness

When I picked the kids up from school on Tuesday, Eleanor got into the car and immediately started to cry. Through her tears, she told me the whole story of why her day had been horrible. She was so upset because someone in her class had put a note on a classmate’s back, let’s call her Mary (not her real name), that said, “punch me.” It happened at the end of art class while they were standing in line. When they got back to their homeroom, no one would admit to doing it, so the whole class had their Friday free time taken away.

I was trying to understand what it was that upset her so much about what happened, so I asked a lot of questions. She wasn’t upset about having free time taken away. No one had actually punched Mary (I figured that was a long shot, but I asked anyway). The main reason Eleanor was upset was because it happened. She couldn’t believe someone would be so mean, and she was worried the whole class would have to watch their backs in case it would happen to them.

I assured her that the teachers were taking it seriously since a punishment had been given to the whole class. I told her I doubted it would happen again, and if it did, there would be a better chance that the person would get caught doing it the second time.

Eleanor told me Mary was at the front of the line and she was at the back of the line, so it couldn’t have been her that did it. This fact was obvious to me without her telling me, but we did talk about treating others how we would want to be treated and not being afraid to stick up for someone who is being picked on. I told her that if she had noticed the note before the teacher, it would have been good to let Mary know and help her take it off her back.

As much as we discussed it, I could tell she was still really upset over the whole issue. Maybe it was just her strong sense of empathy (Eleanor has always been on the sensitive side). Maybe it was also wrapped up in feelings she had left over from seeing a lady try to fight another woman on the train last Saturday as we were trying to get home from downtown. The woman was yelling, swearing, and tried to hit the other woman, but people stood between them and wouldn’t let her. We held our kids tight and tried to cover their ears when all the swearwords were flying, but it was a horrible experience and probably very scary for the kids.

After talking with Eleanor’s teacher a little, I also learned that her teacher had yelled at the class just a little, and she never yells at her class. She was trying to get someone to come forward and admit putting the note on Mary. This happened right before the bell rang for school to get out. Whenever we have a situation at home where none of my kids will admit to doing something wrong, Eleanor gets so emotional when she’s the one telling the truth.

Let me just say that I know a “punch me” sign isn’t really the end of the world. I know it’s just a childish prank, meant to get a laugh, and not holding any real malice. Part of me was tempted to shrug it off and expect Eleanor to do the same. I certainly felt the school had handled it as well as they possibly could. But here was my sweet, innocent daughter in front of me, in tears, saying she had never seen anyone be so mean before.

So we started talking about turning a negative into a positive. After some brainstorming, we decided that if someone wanted to put a hurtful note on someone’s back, we could make nice notes with compliments on them that kids could wear on their front, where they would know about them. Once we had a plan, Eleanor seemed to feel a lot better. I called her teacher to make sure she was okay with it, and we got to work. Her teacher was really excited about the idea and offered to help any way she could.

Today, on the same day they have their free time taken away from them, Eleanor went to school with these:She made a ribbon for each member of her class with a little magnetic tape on the back so she could slip out unnoticed (with her teacher’s permission) and put one on each of her classmate’s lockers. They all have safety pins so the kids can wear them if they want to. They say things like:

You are kind

You are cool

You are worthy

You are smart

You are awesome

Eleanor was so excited to take them to school this morning. She had no hesitation at all; she was just happy to be doing something good for others. I am so proud of her.

Her teacher sent me these pictures and said, “Oh my gosh! They were a hit! Caught the attention of every class that passed by, have already had several teachers inquire about what it was all about! Definitely a positive energy going on around here. And you should know, every teacher that’s asked has been highly impressed with how you chose to handle Eleanor’s feelings. Powerful lesson!”

It brought tears to my eyes to read her words. I hope Eleanor will always have such bravery to do the right thing. She amazes me.

When Eleanor got home today, she was really positive about the experience. She liked being secretive with her teacher and pretending she was just as surprised as her classmates to find a ribbon on her locker.