Friendship at the Gate

Our backyard has various shrubs all along the back fence except in one corner of the yard. In that corner, there is a gate in the fence. It must have been used as a friendly neighbor gate at some point in the past, but now it is locked. We moved into this house in the fall, and we had a newborn. We didn't get much chance to let Eleanor go out back and play before it got too cold, and we never met our neighbors who live behind us. Come spring, Eleanor got to do much more playing outside. We soon discovered that the neighbors behind us have three kids of their own, two of them close to Eleanor's age. Eleanor and Ian, between whom there is only a few months' age difference, quickly became good friends.

His mom and I have been trying to arrange a play date, but it hasn't happened so far. So, they play the best they can at the gate, passing toys between the poles to each other and sharing snacks. Anytime they are outside at the same time, one of them is at the gate, calling to the other (if they aren't there together already). Eleanor is so cute; she'll drop what she's doing and say, "I think I hear Ian calling me. I have to go."

Even when we were doing something exciting: releasing goldfish into our pond, Eleanor dropped what she was doing, saying, “I have to go. I hear Ian calling me. I’ll be right back.” There have been a few times when she has told him, “I’m busy right now,” or “I’m not coming,” but those are pretty rare.

Sharing shovels.

They have never seen each other without a fence in between them. Hopefully, it won't kill the magic when they do :)

All About Eleanor

Favorite books: she’s enjoying a wide variety right now. We have a bunch checked out from the library including several by Gerald McDermott, Eric Carle, and William Steig. She also likes The Pocket Dogs by Margaret Wild.

Favorite TV show: probably still Martha Speaks, but we recently introduced her to Dora on Netflix, and she’s really been enjoying that.

Favorite activities include swinging, going for walks (either riding in a stroller or pushing her baby in one), playing in the sandbox, coloring with her “chalk walk” (sidewalk chalk), talking to the neighbor boy at our back fence, crawling around with her sister, play dates, and any sort of talking into the microphone at church.

Eleanor loves to pretend she’s a dog. I recently asked her what her name was when she was a dog, because we couldn’t just call her doggy all the time. We don’t call other dogs “doggy.” We call them by their names. So, she told me her name was Bohsher (pronounced like the O in slosh). We have had our challenges with Bohsher and her commitment to being a realistic doggy. I have had to train her not to lick my face with her tongue. She gives me pretend licks by rubbing her closed mouth against my cheek. We also have had food battles where Bohsher insists on eating like a doggy on the floor without using her paws. This can be tolerated at breakfast with dry cereal, but it’s not happening during dinner!


Last month is when this started, but she has really been stuck on the words “ta-da” and “ding” for a while. Ta-da probably came from the Wall-E movie, and Grant and I use it a lot because of that, too. I don’t know why she decided to start using “ding,” but if you give her a choice between two things, she will point to one and say “ding!” She also uses it to point out things. Example: Where are your shoes? She points to them on the floor and says, “ding!”

Sleep has been interesting. She has really struggled with staying in bed at bedtime lately. Some nights she falls right asleep, and others, she lays in bed awake for a long time. She’ll surprise us by wandering out at almost 10pm to tell us she can’t sleep. Other nights, she’ll wake up at 4am, and after trying to go back to sleep for an hour or so, she’s just up for the day. No Fun! What’s worse is that even on days like this, she is done with naps. Unless by some miracle she falls asleep in the car or watching a movie, we’re just stuck with the mood she’s in until we can get her to bed at night. The only thing I can do is try to get her some “down time” where she isn’t interacting or moving around much—either watching a show, taking a ride in the car, or reading stories together.

One time that we were going to see my mother, I gave Eleanor the choice whether we should take the back roads or the highway. I explained that the back roads have more trees and things to look at, but she still chose the highway. When we were almost there, she changed her mind and asked to go on the back roads. Obviously, she had to live with her original decision, but the next time we went to Grandma’s, we took the back roads. The road we take is really winding, and there are hills and bumps along the way. Eleanor loved the ride, and squealed and laughed with every turn or bump. Now, the back roads are a popular favorite. Eleanor squeals and laughs, and Phaedra laughs along with her, not quite knowing what they’re laughing at but happy to be part of the fun. I have to laugh along with my happy, giggling girls. So, whenever I have time, we take the back roads, and it brightens our day.

On Mother’s Day, Eleanor played with the other kids for a while, but then she withdrew to play by herself. She found the game, Battleship, and began putting the pegs into place. When she was finished, she had a perfect little pattern of white around the edge and a few inner rows and then red rows inside the white. Can anyone say OCD?

Has anyone noticed the many things you end up saying as a parent that you would think (and hope) you wouldn’t have to say? I always notice them when I’m saying them, and I think to myself, “You would think I wouldn’t have to say this.” Let me see if I can remember a few examples. I seem to block them out of my memory as soon as the situation is past, but here are a few I can remember:
Don’t lick the refrigerator.
Don’t put the potty seat around your neck.
Please don’t put clean dishes on your head.

She’s getting so smart. If she’s doing something she isn’t supposed to do, and I ask her to stop, she kindly invites me to go to another room. I don’t think she thinks I’m smart enough to figure out why she wants me to leave.

We have officially entered the “why” phase. She was already asking tons of questions, but they were mostly about what things were for or what they meant. She would also ask why, but she would use full sentences to ask the question. Apparently, she’s getting lazy, because she’s just been throwing the word at me instead of actually forming a question. I try to answer to a certain extent, but when neither one knows to what the “why” is pertaining, it gets a bit challenging. I also admit that there are times when I’m running low on patience, and she asks me why about something when I know perfectly well she knows the answer, I just tell her, “Don’t ask me why.” I can’t be perfect all of the time.

Record Breaker

Eleanor took the longest time out ever today. It was about 45 minutes, but it could have been a little longer since I didn't look at the clock at the very beginning of the fiasco. Now, before you jump straight to the comment section to tell me what a terrible parent I am and how I'm too hard on her, let me just say it was her choice.

We used to just put her in her room for time out and tell her to come out when she was ready to cooperate. Sometimes, that would only be a matter of seconds before she would have a change of heart. When that became less effective, we switched to a legitimate 3 min. time out in her room. As soon as we put her in there, she would open her door so she could stand there and protest. We let her cry all she wanted; as long as she stayed in her room, we were satisfied.

More recently, she has been in need of a more stern punishment, so we have been making her keep the door shut. We set the kitchen timer, and if she opens the door, time starts over. If she never closes her door, the timer doesn't start until she does. There is no way to lock her in there, so she pretty much just has to submit. Sometimes, when I have realized she was way too tired to be rational, I have held the doorknob for the full 3 min. so she wouldn't escape. Lately, I have wanted it to be her choice, to make her go to the effort to obey. The other day, it took about 15 min. and quite a few times marching her back to her room before she slammed the door shut and kept it shut the full 3 min. I saw some improvement after that . . . until today.

She must have been feeling really stubborn, and I think she was trying to test my pity because she kept crying "Mommy" in a very forlorn little voice. Combine that with our serious lack of sleep from last night, and she was not in a submissive mood. She took 42 minutes (from the time I looked at the clock) to finally shut her door and leave it shut. Meanwhile, Phaedra and I played, put away laundry, and even started eating dinner without her. At the end of it all, Eleanor was a very cooperative little girl. Victory for Mommy.

It's NOT worth it!

Last night was not the best of nights. I didn't get much sleep at all. We went to a BBQ yesterday, and we got home late. The girls were both asleep when we got home. I put Eleanor straight in her bed. She woke a little bit, but then snuggled in and went right back to sleep. She stayed asleep until the middle of the night (I have no idea what time it was) when she woke up, completely irrational. Grant went to deal with her, and I was left to deal with Phaedra who kept waking up from the noise. Eleanor stayed in her bed, awake, for a long time. She was talking to her toys, which left me with absolutely no chance of falling back to sleep. It felt like hours had passed when I finally gave up and put in my ear plugs at 4:30 in the morning. It still took me forever to fall asleep after that.

The rest of the night, I was fretting. This was mostly before Eleanor woke up, but it continued some into the morning. I was troubled by something that happened at the BBQ. Lots of kids were there, so we pretty much left Eleanor to play, checking in on her now and then. There were two other girls just a little older than her that she was following around. I don't know if it was like this the whole evening, but one of the times I checked in on her, one of the girls was trying her hardest to exclude Eleanor. I guess I was blindsided. I didn't expect her to have to deal with that type of thing until school years. I felt frustrated and overprotective. Here was Eleanor, so happy to be with other girls to play, squealing and laughing at the thought of each new adventure they were going to find. Girl #1 would beckon her to come on as she skipped into the house. Then, Girl #2 would plant herself right in front of Eleanor and tell her, "You stay here! You play by yourself. Only I am playing with Girl #1."

Now, I know. The girl is 4. It's not like she has all the social skills figured out (none of them do). It just made me sad because Eleanor still seems so innocent to me, so loving to everyone. It just seems too soon to have someone treating her this way (especially someone she assumes to be her friend). And now that she has had this experience, where it might not have occurred to her in the past to do that to someone else, she has learned that behavior now.

That's what I was fretting about. It didn't seem to hurt her feelings very much. She kind of just looked back at Girl #2, and then went around her to Girl #1. I just hope it didn't sink in. I hope it didn't hurt her feelings that someone clearly didn't want her there. I know parenting requires a lot of letting go and allowing them to grow up. It just seemed to hit really fast. I wanted her to be sheltered a little longer with kids that are happy to play with just about anybody. Naturally, sharing issues come along, but they are all friends. Eleanor just has such a kind nature. I know it's silly to let such a little thing get to me, and I should have dealt with it better. My little girl is just growing up way too fast!

So after (actually during) our very difficult night last night, I decided it's not worth it. Eleanor seems to have these wakeful nights the most when she goes to bed late. I've been trying to find a pattern to explain the wakings, and that's all I've come up with so far. If that's what it is, then we're just going to have to come home and get her to bed. I guess we have a 7:30 curfew, because being up all night with her just isn't worth it.

Eleanor's First Talk

Eleanor gave her first talk in Primary today. We didn't have much notice in advance, so Grant worked out a talk with her.

Waiting to give her talk, cool as a cucumber.

Sorry for the wiggly photography. I had Phaedra in my arms, and she was reaching for the camera. If you can't tell, she started out by giving Article of Faith number four. Then, Grant had worked with her on her talk by prompting her with questions about her cousin's baptism we had recently attended. It would have made much more sense if you had been able to hear what Grant was asking her. Oh well. I think it went something like this:
First, he asked her who was baptized recently in our family. Her answer was, "Isaac." Then, he asked her what happened when he was baptized. She says, "He went under the water. . . all the way under the water." Then, I think he asked her why we get baptized, to which she replied, "Because Jesus Christ, we love Jesus Christ." He asked her if she is going to get baptized. Her answer was, "Yes, when I'm eight!" I'm not sure what happened after that besides her getting distracted.

I love how confident she is. It doesn't even occur to her to worry about what the other kids think. She's just excited to get up there and talk into the microphone. If only we could all be so confident. She certainly didn't get her mother's fear of speaking in public.

A Good Dad

You know he's a good dad when his three-year-old daughter eagerly runs outside in her pajamas to ask if she can help him mow the lawn and he says yes, knowing full well that her "help" consists of this:

(more work for him)

And, since I sent some water out with her when she first went out to him and told her to offer him a drink, she offered him a drink every time he stopped to empty the bag. And even though it really slowed him down, he graciously accepted. Every time. That's a good dad.

A Thursday Walk

We girls went to Laughing Grandma's house this evening for a visit. It's nice that Mike is there with them now, so we can show up anytime instead of waiting for people to get home from work. We're glad Uncle Mike is living so close, and we get to see him more. We took a nice little walk before dinner, and I couldn't help but take a few pictures.

Eleanor likes riding in the stroller (and we all move faster when she does).

I thought this field looked pretty, so we stopped for pictures.

Obsessed

Eleanor is nuts about rocks.
Taking a walk with her can drag on forever if you let her stop for all the rocks she wants to collect. On this particular walk, she filled the pockets of her shorts until her shorts were falling down. Then, she started handing rocks to her daddy, asking him to put them in his pocket for her. The rocks don't even have to be pretty or interesting; she's happy with gravel from a driveway. The girl just loves rocks.
Grant had to coax and prod her along to keep her moving.

A Few More

The picture I posted before was by far my favorite, but here are a few more fun swinging pictures.

Abby

Mommy said books

Last night I had to work later than usual. After dismissing my class, I ran to a staff meeting. I didn’t get home until after 9—more than an hour after bedtime.
As I walked in the door, Eleanor was quietly watching a show, alone. Assuming Jocelyn was putting Phaedra to bed, I asked Eleanor if she had made a deal with Mommy for what would happen once I got home. We make a lot of deals with Eleanor—she is pretty good about cooperating if it is an official give-and-take deal. Here is how our conversation went:

Me: Hi
Eleanor: (absent minded, concentrating on Bob the Builder) Hi
Me: Did you make a deal with Mommy that you would turn off your show and go to bed when I got home to read you a story?
Eleanor: (still absent minded) Yea
Me: Ok. I’m home. Turn off the show and I’ll read you a story and get you to bed.
Eleanor: (surprisingly chipper) OK
I turned off the show and picked up two books near Eleanor on the couch
Me: Which story would you like? (showing her the two choices) Choose one.
Eleanor looked at the two books. Looked at me with a thoughtful but scowling face, then looked back at the two books.
Eleanor: (very matter-of-factly) Mommy said bookss
We read both stories.

Caught It

I think this is my favorite swinging picture ever.

Kindred Spirits

I just love how easily little girls become friends.

Overload

Well, my monthly update times for both girls came and went. I'm not even going to try to go back and make up for it. Our lives have been hectic lately, to say the least. I hope things are starting to calm down. In order to stop beating myself up for not getting to it this month, I'm going to jot down whatever comes to mind about the girls in this post and call it good. Here goes . . .

• Phaedra cut her first tooth on Easter weekend, at 7 and 1/2 months of age. (Eleanor's first tooth wasn't until 9 and 1/2 months.)
• Eleanor's favorite book this month is Papagayo: The Mischief Maker by Gerald McDermott. She can pretty much read the entire thing from memory, and it's a pretty long story.
• Eleanor can recite Article of Faith numbers 5, 1, 2, and 3 (in that order). We're just beginning to learn number 4.
• Phaedra pulls up to just about anything, sometimes only using one hand to steady herself. She can crawl very fast when she wants to.
• Phaedra is making all sorts of sounds: ba ba ba, ma ma ma, growling, clicking, laughing, squealing.
• Eleanor has about 50 different ways for pronouncing the word "okay." Maybe I'll try to do a post detailing them sometime.
• Phaedra LOVES the bath.
• Eleanor likes to chew gum every time we get in the car.
• Phaedra is still a total Mommy's girl. She doesn't have much stranger anxiety, so she'll be pretty content going to someone she doesn't know. But she knows Mommy is her favorite person, and she knows when she wants her!
• Eleanor loves her doggy, Lane, even though he lives at Grandma's house now. She loves that he is nice to her and lets her pet him (unlike Grandma's other dogs). She has asked me several times to bring Lane to our new house, but that isn't going to happen.

That's all I can come up with off the top of my head. I'm sure I'll think of something else as soon as I post this.