Sisters

I’m trying to get back into blogging a little more regularly. But most of the time, when I sit down when I finally get a moment of quiet, I either want to fall asleep or at least shut down my brain. Compiling a string of pictures and actually telling a story about them is just too much.

But to give you something, I told myself I could muster just one picture, and I grabbed the first one that stood out to me. Baby steps, people; baby steps. I took this on Phaedra’s birthday last month. I snapped a few pictures just before school. Phaedra was having fun doing poses for me, and this was the first one I took after asking Eleanor to jump in. I love it.

I needed to see it tonight because there have been days (recently) when I have struggled with one of these girls . . . really, really struggled. I imagine you can guess which one, but if not, I’ll give you a hint: the younger one. They say you either marry or give birth to your greatest challenge in life. I did NOT marry mine.

One of Phaedra’s friend’s moms texted me last night to see if she could come over to play today. I was already having a hard time with Phaedra, but I thought we could turn it around. I even used the invitation as motivation. I gave her so many chances to shape up. When Grant eventually got home last night, he gave her so many chances. She blew it. Time and time again. She wouldn’t do chores. She wouldn’t obey. She wouldn’t stop when asked to stop. To say that my patience is wearing thin would be an understatement.

I usually hate to keep her from an opportunity to get out and be social. I usually do everything I can to turn a negative situation even a tiny bit positive so I can get away with saying yes. There was no way for me to do that this time. As much as I wanted her to go, I kept her from going to play with her friend. I thought it might be the only way to get through to her.

Today she showed some improvement, but I’m not extremely impressed. I wanted so badly to be impressed. That’s probably why I just want to shut off my brain or go to sleep. I love Phaedra so much, and I know she has a lot of amazing, redeeming qualities. But she also knows exactly how to suck the life right out of me.

So enjoy the picture. I’ll try to say something more positive and upbeat next time.

Showing Kindness

When I picked the kids up from school on Tuesday, Eleanor got into the car and immediately started to cry. Through her tears, she told me the whole story of why her day had been horrible. She was so upset because someone in her class had put a note on a classmate’s back, let’s call her Mary (not her real name), that said, “punch me.” It happened at the end of art class while they were standing in line. When they got back to their homeroom, no one would admit to doing it, so the whole class had their Friday free time taken away.

I was trying to understand what it was that upset her so much about what happened, so I asked a lot of questions. She wasn’t upset about having free time taken away. No one had actually punched Mary (I figured that was a long shot, but I asked anyway). The main reason Eleanor was upset was because it happened. She couldn’t believe someone would be so mean, and she was worried the whole class would have to watch their backs in case it would happen to them.

I assured her that the teachers were taking it seriously since a punishment had been given to the whole class. I told her I doubted it would happen again, and if it did, there would be a better chance that the person would get caught doing it the second time.

Eleanor told me Mary was at the front of the line and she was at the back of the line, so it couldn’t have been her that did it. This fact was obvious to me without her telling me, but we did talk about treating others how we would want to be treated and not being afraid to stick up for someone who is being picked on. I told her that if she had noticed the note before the teacher, it would have been good to let Mary know and help her take it off her back.

As much as we discussed it, I could tell she was still really upset over the whole issue. Maybe it was just her strong sense of empathy (Eleanor has always been on the sensitive side). Maybe it was also wrapped up in feelings she had left over from seeing a lady try to fight another woman on the train last Saturday as we were trying to get home from downtown. The woman was yelling, swearing, and tried to hit the other woman, but people stood between them and wouldn’t let her. We held our kids tight and tried to cover their ears when all the swearwords were flying, but it was a horrible experience and probably very scary for the kids.

After talking with Eleanor’s teacher a little, I also learned that her teacher had yelled at the class just a little, and she never yells at her class. She was trying to get someone to come forward and admit putting the note on Mary. This happened right before the bell rang for school to get out. Whenever we have a situation at home where none of my kids will admit to doing something wrong, Eleanor gets so emotional when she’s the one telling the truth.

Let me just say that I know a “punch me” sign isn’t really the end of the world. I know it’s just a childish prank, meant to get a laugh, and not holding any real malice. Part of me was tempted to shrug it off and expect Eleanor to do the same. I certainly felt the school had handled it as well as they possibly could. But here was my sweet, innocent daughter in front of me, in tears, saying she had never seen anyone be so mean before.

So we started talking about turning a negative into a positive. After some brainstorming, we decided that if someone wanted to put a hurtful note on someone’s back, we could make nice notes with compliments on them that kids could wear on their front, where they would know about them. Once we had a plan, Eleanor seemed to feel a lot better. I called her teacher to make sure she was okay with it, and we got to work. Her teacher was really excited about the idea and offered to help any way she could.

Today, on the same day they have their free time taken away from them, Eleanor went to school with these:She made a ribbon for each member of her class with a little magnetic tape on the back so she could slip out unnoticed (with her teacher’s permission) and put one on each of her classmate’s lockers. They all have safety pins so the kids can wear them if they want to. They say things like:

You are kind

You are cool

You are worthy

You are smart

You are awesome

Eleanor was so excited to take them to school this morning. She had no hesitation at all; she was just happy to be doing something good for others. I am so proud of her.

Her teacher sent me these pictures and said, “Oh my gosh! They were a hit! Caught the attention of every class that passed by, have already had several teachers inquire about what it was all about! Definitely a positive energy going on around here. And you should know, every teacher that’s asked has been highly impressed with how you chose to handle Eleanor’s feelings. Powerful lesson!”

It brought tears to my eyes to read her words. I hope Eleanor will always have such bravery to do the right thing. She amazes me.

When Eleanor got home today, she was really positive about the experience. She liked being secretive with her teacher and pretending she was just as surprised as her classmates to find a ribbon on her locker.

Bubble Run

On Saturday, we did the Bubble Run as a family. We all had a great time, even though it rained on us almost the whole time. In our morning rush, we forgot a jacket for Cece (which wouldn’t have helped much since all her jackets are cotton), any blankets for Cece, and we ran out of time to search for umbrellas. Luckily, it was still fairly warm.

Grant took our slow team, wearing Cecilia, pushing the stroller for Curtis to hop in and out as he pleased, and keeping track of Phaedra. Eleanor and I ran together, only stopping to walk when we reached a new set of bubbles (at every kilometer). Eleanor did so well! She didn’t complain at all, kept a happy attitude, and even managed to stay with me while we had to weave through all the people walking. My one wish would have been for them to ask walkers to keep to one side. They took up the whole path, so if you actually wanted to run, you had to do it in the sloshy grass or weave in and out of the crowd the whole time.

I had wondered how Eleanor would do because our training did not always go smoothly. There were times I felt like I was dragging her along, and she just wanted to stop and walk—or pick dandelions. I experienced some frustrations with that, but hopefully I was able to teach her a few things about changing your attitude when trying to get through something. If anything I taught her about motivation; the last time we ran the whole 5K as a practice, I only got her through it by promising to get chocolate milk after we finished if she would try hard and have a good attitude.

The temperature was probably in the high 60s, so the light rain actually made the run pleasant. We were not too hot or too cold. Eleanor loved the bubbles. The set of bubbles at the starting line weren’t colored, but at each kilometer, they had colored bubbles that would add color to our white shirts. Eleanor liked going directly under the bubble dispenser, where she would practically have to swim through. Then we would smear bubbles on each other’s shirts, and Eleanor liked giving me a bubble crown each time. Our legs and feet carried the bubbles the longest, and by the end, my socks were completely squishy with suds. They also had music playing at each of the bubble stations to keep things fun.

Once Eleanor and I made it to the finish line, I was afraid we might miss Grant and the kids if we didn’t wait and watch for them. I didn’t have my phone because I don’t have any way to strap it on and I didn’t want to carry it. So we stood near the finish line and waited. In the rain. The rain got a bit heavier while we waited in our soaked clothes, and we started to get a bit cold. I worried about the little kids and wondered if they enjoyed themselves or if they were making Grant miserable. I worried about Cece being warm enough with no umbrella to keep her dry. I had brought hats for Curtis and Cece, and I put one of our towels in a bag in the stroller in case they needed to wipe off their faces after the bubbles, so I hoped those things had helped.

After a while, they showed up, and we ran with them across the finish line. Phaedra was getting cold and starting to feel sorry for herself because of it. Cece had stayed warm and pleasant strapped to Grant. Curtis was starting to get cold, but he was in pretty good spirits. And I was happy to see that Grant was happy.

As they neared the end of the race, Grant started to worry that there wouldn’t be any bubbles at the end (I had wondered myself). He knew the kids would be really disappointed. So as they were coming, they reached the point where the pink bubbles (the first set) were on the opposite side of the path, and he looped back around with the kids to go through them a second time to make sure the kids had plenty of chance to play in bubbles. He said that helped them a lot.

Just past the finish line, they had two bubble makers going constantly for everyone to play in. Once the kids saw them, they all perked up, and luckily, the rain stopped soon after they started to play.

Since I didn’t take my phone and I kept my camera in a plastic bag in the stroller, all my pictures are from the end. Grant got some pictures and video with his phone while they were walking. I’ll have to go through those and share some of them, too. For now, here are a bunch from the finish line and the bubbles they played in at the end.

Only Phaedra would insist on going the whole bubble run with her little fabric purse.

Curtis was like a little moving cloud of bubbles, like the Charlie Brown character, Pigpen, but with bubbles instead of dirt. He would come to the stroller, wipe his face with the towel so he could see, and then he would disappear into the bubbles again.

I didn’t get as many pictures of Eleanor because I lost her for a while. I was starting to get worried because I couldn’t see her in that sea of bubbles, but Grant found her.

The kids loved every minute of it and probably would have stayed and played for a very long time.

Curtis recently got a new set of crocs so he’ll have summer shoes he can put on himself, and he kept losing them in the bubbles. He’d come out of the bubble pile with one bare foot, holding his shoe. Grant was afraid he would lose a shoe for good, and he decided it was time to gather the kids to go home before that happened. Of course, that’s when Curtis lost a shoe. Grant was trying to search for it, but he couldn’t get very deep in the bubbles with Cece strapped to him. I was going to switch Grant places and have him watch the stroller, camera, and kids so I could look for the shoe. As we were swapping, a lady found the shoe in the bubbles for us. What a relief!

We went back to the car, drank chocolate milk from our cooler (yes, we brought cold chocolate milk but didn’t have time for umbrellas—priorities), changed the kids into dry clothes, and headed off to pick up some lunch. All the kids except Eleanor were asleep in the car by the time we got home with our food.

The kids are already talking about the bubble run next year.

Kindergarten Picnic

I just have to record a few things from my day today.

Curtis and Cece and I joined Phaedra at the kindergarten picnic today. The school is close enough to a nice park that they can walk the kids over for a picnic at the end of the year. Curtis was so excited when I told him we were going. I love when he is happy and excited; it always rubs off on me.

When we were driving to the park for the picnic, Curtis told me from the backseat, “Mom, you’re the best mom ever!” And then he continued to tell me how he chose me at the mommy and daddy store, and he chose daddy who is the best daddy. He also said that we chose him and Eleanor and Phaedra at the kid store. I had to ask him if we also chose Cecilia. He kind of laughed and said, “Oh, yes.” He said we chose them at the kid store with all the boys and girls lined up on the shelves. And we chose the best kids and not any others.

Curtis enjoyed eating lunch with the kids. He got to choose some chips, some type of cheesy Doritos. I had some classic potato chips. He was telling me how he had the best chips. I offered to let him taste one of my chips so he could be sure which chips were best, and I tasted one of his. After crunching the chip I gave him, he concluded, “Too salty. Mine are the best because my chips are orange.” It cracks me up how competitive he is about little things.

When the picnic was almost over, the teachers brought out the treats: fruit-by-the-foot and many various cookies. No one had to announce dessert. Word spread quickly, and the kids came flocking. Curtis came running with Phaedra and lined up with the kids. He got a fruit-by-the-foot and a small pack of Oreos. He happily went back for other cookies when teachers were distracted.

A little later, a parent brought out bottled waters for the kids. Curtis got in line for those, too. Luckily, even though there was a limited quantity of water bottles, they had enough to share with Curtis. He thinks it’s such a privilege to have his very own water bottle. He quickly went over to the teacher who was using a sharpie to write kids’ names on the bottles and asked her to please write his name. It was adorable.

Phaedra wanted to come home with me instead of walk back to school, so we hung around the park for a while after the other kids left until it was time to pick up Eleanor. Cecilia, who spent much of the time sleeping in the baby carrier or being spoon fed, finally got a chance to swing in the baby swing. I was so happy to experience seeing her swinging for the first time. It was her second time swinging, but I missed seeing her the first time because Grant took the kids to the park without me last Saturday. She had the biggest open-mouthed grin as I pushed her, and she giggled now and then. I loved every second of it!

Soon, I had to catch up with Curtis who had followed some other little boys onto the tennis courts. I tried to visit with some parents who were nearby when I noticed a scuffle starting between Curtis and another little boy his age. The other boy, Parker, I think, was trying to take Curtis’s water bottle, and Curtis was shouting, “It’s mine. It’s MINE!” I started to go around the fence to get to him, so I didn’t see what happened next, but things escalated so quickly that I ran back toward them even though I was still on the other side of the fence.

I started saying, “Hey! Hey! Hey!” to try to get their attention. All I saw in the end was poor Curtis, wet, screaming, and furious, shaking out his entire water bottle towards Parker (but getting hardly a drop on him). That got the attention of Parker’s parents, and we all went to find out what happened. As far as we could tell, Parker tried to grab Curtis’s water bottle, and when Curtis wouldn’t let him take it, Parker squeezed it and made it spray all over Curtis. The name on the water bottle confirmed it was Curtis’s.

Curtis was so distraught, to say the least. But Parker’s parents were proactive and immediately made him apologize. He (Parker) was pretty shaken up over the whole thing, too, and he cried when he said sorry. Curtis’s main concern was that he wanted another water bottle. Of course, they had all been packed up and taken away. All I could do was tell him I would get him a water bottle the next chance I got (couldn’t even tell him we had some at home because we don’t). Even though I wasn’t at all upset at Parker, I was so sad for Curtis.

We went back to the picnic tables so I could give him some hugs and talk him through the whole thing. He kept saying Parker was a bad boy. I told Curtis that he wasn’t a bad boy, he just made a bad choice, and it was our job to forgive him. After a bit, Curtis went back to the playground while I stayed at the table for a bit.

Phaedra was on the playground and quickly noticed Curtis’s drenched shirt. She asked him about it, and he told her the whole story. The next thing I know, Curtis came to me with a mostly full water bottle and told me Phaedra had given him her water bottle. He was so happy. I was even happier.

I told Phaedra how happy and impressed it made me that she gave her water to Curtis. She told me she knew it was what Jesus would want her to do. Phaedra can be my challenging child sometimes, but she can also be so caring and giving. She often will give something up if she knows it will make someone happy, and she is often my first child to offer up a solution when there is a disagreement and I ask for someone to be a peacemaker. I was so proud of my little girl today.

Some moms wanted pictures of the whole group. I tried to convince Curtis to stand on the sidelines with me, but he really wanted to go be with Phaedra. I decided it didn’t make much difference if he was in there, so he quickly wedged himself right next to her.

What’s New

Here’s a little of what’s going on with us.

I signed up the family for the Chicago Bubble Run (5K) at the end of May. Eleanor is going to train with me so she can run alongside me. Kids 6 and under are free, so I registered Grant so he can take the slower group. Eleanor and I have already gone for one run together. She was really good at pacing herself and telling me when she needed to slow down or walk. She went almost a 1.5 miles on our first time out.

Phaedra really wanted to go with us the next time we went running, so we let her come along. I wanted to see what it would be like to try to teach Phaedra long distance running. It was much as I expected. She was so excited that she expelled a bunch of energy before we even got going (although Eleanor was pretty excited the same way her first time). Even after all we told her about pacing herself and going slow to save energy, she was sprinting like crazy. She would run along until she said she had to walk for a bit, walk for a few paces, and then say she was ready to go again. I’d try to tell her she could take a longer break or that she might want to slow down, but it didn’t do any good. One time, I got her to slow down her pace, but we came upon a puddle. When I asked her to avoid it, she took a giant leap over it and then proceeded to leap over any small obstacles such as sticks and small pebbles. It was no surprise when she quickly needed to walk again after just a little of that.

All in all, Phaedra did well. She made it about a mile. Running with her was certainly entertaining. We’ll probably let her come with us every other time or so, but we’ll do our serious training when it’s just Eleanor and me.

Phaedra lost a tooth this week, her third. Her top front teeth have been so crooked and barely hanging on ever since she crashed them into someone’s head at school a while back. She let me give one of them a tug yesterday, and much to my surprise, it came out! She was jumping around happily, and I was left holding the tooth.

I never had an easy time with my own teeth coming out. Pulling teeth has always been something that makes me feel rather squeamish. So far, I have made the kids pull their own teeth or let Daddy do it, but these teeth of Phaedra’s have been driving me crazy, and the temptation was too great. I’m so relieved we got it out, but it totally made my skin crawl when the realization hit me of what I had done.

(Sorry. I can’t stand the lost tooth pictures people post of their kids because I don’t want to see the big, gaping holes in mouths. But it’s a right of passage. I’ll understand if you look away. At least I waited until she stopped bleeding to get the picture.)

Now her other front tooth is dangling by a thread. It looks even worse without the other one to lean on. She can push it forward so it hangs over her bottom lip. She finally trusted me to give it a tug tonight before bed, but I must not have pulled hard enough. She wouldn’t let her daddy near it. Apparently, I’ve given myself a new job tooth pulling. I’m not sure I’m thrilled about that, but I can’t wait for that dangly tooth to get out of her mouth.

In other news, Curtis’s latest phrase is “Mom, do you know that I love you?” He asks me that often, and it absolutely melts my heart! I ask him the same question, and he always says yes. He does tell me that he doesn’t love me when I yell at him. We have that in common: I don’t love me when I yell at him. That’s definitely something I’m working on.

Cecilia turned 7 months old this week.

She has busied herself trying to get mobile! She is really good at army crawling, and she gets up on all fours and rocks. She’ll be crawling for real any day. She loves her newfound freedom of life off the blanket; she can find toys that aren’t hers, books, hangers, and sometimes cords. She knows when she’s into trouble and tries to scamper when I come for her to stop her.

I’ve been gradually trying to teach her to sleep. I had to take the insert out of the pack-n-play yesterday because I left her in there for a few minutes to see if she would settle herself to sleep. She was quietly moving around, and suddenly my mommy radar went off, telling me to check on her even though she sounded peaceful. Just as I walked in the room, she let out a little fuss and I saw her standing with her hands on the edge of the bed. She had gotten herself up but didn’t know how to lower back down. Her arms gave out and she toppled back into the crib, but it was a real “yikes” moment for me. I lowered her bed immediately.

She had a doctor visit this week for a well baby check and some shots. She weighs 14.2 pounds, putting her in the 10th percentile for weight. She is 26 inches long, so she is in the 45th percentile for height, and I didn’t catch her head measurement, but it’s in the 40th percentile. The doctor asked me a few questions about her drop in weight, but we brushed off any concerns because she has been so mobile and this is what our kids do! Our kids are petite; we know that. There’s no reason to panic. Next time, she’ll probably be below the 2nd percentile in weight if she follows her siblings’ patterns.

Grant and I have been making use of our gym membership. Grant goes early some mornings, and we trade kids so I can go some evenings. I’m loving it!

So that’s a little update about us. I still want to post some pictures from our Utah trip. It’s so hard to find time to do things, and I don’t always have the mental energy after a long day with the kids. But I’m doing what I can.

I’m so thankful for spring!! When we left for Utah, the temperatures were still mostly in the 40s and even though the snow had melted, all the grass was brown and the fall leaves were still hanging around; it wasn’t the prettiest sight. When we returned, the grass was turning green and there were little green buds on the trees promising leaves to come. We have enjoyed much warmer weather. I still feel funny leaving the house without a pile of jackets! We might even have to break out some capris and shorts if this keeps up. Hooray for being out of winter!!

These flowers are on one of my favorite kinds of trees that bloom in the spring. The library parking lot in Salem was surrounded by them. I saw this tree on campus as we took a family walk last night, and it made me so happy. I’ve never learned exactly what kind of tree it is (maybe a dogwood?). I just call them droopy daisy trees. They make me so happy to see them in the spring.