9 Months Old

Curtis turned 9 months old last weekend.

This is the view of him I see most often: that cute little tushy crawling away from me.

If not that, he’s hanging on my legs.

But he sure is cute.

Curtis gave up his army crawl for the real thing at the end of May. Even before that, he was pulling up on things.

He has 2 bottom teeth. His top gums are pretty swollen today, so those top chompers might make their debut soon.

Father’s Day weekend, right in the middle of Grant’s graduation ceremonies (when I needed to be able to hand him off to other people), Curtis decided to start an extremely clingy to Mommy phase. He wouldn’t even let Grandma hold him! My easy-going little baby is not so easy to hand off anymore. He fusses for me with Grant, and he screams for me with other people.

Curtis is one smart cookie, and he really has an eye for trouble. As soon as he was mobile, he developed an eye for paper and electrical cords. We had a stack of old magazines on the bottom shelf of the fold-top desk that he went to whenever he got the chance. When I would find him there and say something like, “Curtis, what are you doing?” with an accusing tone, he would just laugh and quickly pull down as many magazines as he could before I could get to him. Sometimes, he even shakes his head before he does something naughty.

I’ve gotten to the point where I just always keep certain rooms closed because they might not be baby safe. For example, I have to keep the girls’ bathroom closed because he’s so obsessed with the bath that he pulls up to it and tries to climb in. I’ve caught him several times as he almost tipped into the empty tub head-first. He knows which rooms are “limited access” for him, and whenever he sees one of those doors open, he gets there in a flash!

He just had a well baby check up. He weighs 17lbs. He’s about 27.5 inches long. They didn’t tell me his head measurement, but he was so wiggly, I doubt it was accurate anyway. His height is in the 25th percentile, and his weight is just below the 25th percentile, which I think is pretty high for one of my babies at this age. It seems like the girls were always hanging below the 5th percentile for weight, but I’d have to check my records.

He loves to eat solid foods. The only problem we’ve had with feeding him solids is not knowing when to stop. He’s a little bird when you spoon feed him, and if you don’t do it fast enough, he might even screech at you. These days, he’s eating about 7-8 ounces of baby food at each meal. He’s a hungry boy!

His sleep is going well. A few weeks ago, I finally stopped sleepy nursing him when Grant and I go to bed late at night. I was so afraid if I took away that feeding, he’d be up in the night, demanding to be nursed like he did when I first tried to take away night feedings. But he actually transitioned fine. I realized I missed it a little because it was the only time I got to be with him when it was totally quiet—no noisy girls in the next room playing instead of going to sleep. I just got to sit and hold him in his dark, quiet room. That was our time. But that’s okay. Parenting is always such a funny tug-of-war between not being able to wait until your kids can do the next thing and longing for them to stop growing up so fast.

He usually sleeps through the night. Sometimes he wakes around 5 or 5:30, and instead of nursing him, I just give him a little snuggle and put him back in bed to let him know it isn’t time to get up yet. He wakes at 6 on the dot to nurse. Some days, he’ll go back to sleep until a little after 7, but those days are growing fewer.

Grant came and started throwing pillows at Curtis. Curtis attacked the pillows.

Love that smirk.

Curtis likes to attack me, too.

I love the look on his face. It’s like he’s saying, “See that, Daddy? She’s mine.”

(He has a lot to learn )

He’s so much fun!

Just Sayin’

I just love it when I nurse Curtis in the evening and he gets all sleepy. Then I stand up to pat him and snuggle him a bit before putting him into his bed. I usually only have to pat him a couple of times before a burp comes up. I love it when he’s so relaxed, leaning against me, and that burp comes and pushes its way through his relaxed lips, making a lazy raspberry sound. That sound is my favorite, adorable way to wrap up my evening.

love this boy

While He Was Gone

While Grant was in New York for 8 days, I took pictures every day, fully intending to blog each night so he could see pictures of the kids. But then evening came, and I inevitably was either trying to catch up on dishes/laundry/housework that I hadn’t had a chance to do during the day, or else I was just too emotionally and physically exhausted to even try to blog. So, here’s a quick wrap-up with tons of pictures.

Day 1Ahh, that neck. I adore that little baby neck. I could nuzzle it all day.

The girls were disappointed that we weren’t going to church since I was so exhausted after a sleepless night with Curtis up and Grant leaving. When I granted them permission to wear their dresses anyway, they forgot all disappointment over not going to church. Phaedra did something (I don’t remember what now), and as punishment, I told her she couldn’t wear her dress anymore. Laughing Grandma came over and helped with dinner and bedtime.

Curtis enjoyed playing in the tupperware cupboard. New house policy: all containers must be rinsed thoroughly before use.

Day 2

We spent the evening at Studio Grandma’s along with the other cousins, which meant Curtis had some Grandpa snuggling time.

Phaedra blew bubbles at the chickens.

Somebody made a toy person pyramid. I don’t even know if it was one of our kids, but I felt it was worth documenting.

Eleanor stalled when it was time to head home (of course).

And Phaedra tripped on my foot on the way out to the car and managed to scrape her face, demanding a band-aid the second we got home.

Ok. This post is getting pretty long. I’ll post more later.

It’s Just a Stupid Building

This week has been rough.

Grant has been gone all week, and I’ve been home alone with the kids. And actually, as far as time alone with the kids goes, it has gone smoother than I might have expected. I have been very blessed with support from family, friends, and neighbors.

But I have been in a funk. I have learned more about myself this week than I really wanted to know. See, Grant went to NYC this week. When we knew he might go on the trip, we talked about buying me a plane ticket, toting Curtis along, and getting a babysitter for the girls. But Grant went for a work conference, and with the people he thought were planning on going, we decided it wouldn’t be appropriate for him to bring family. Besides, what would I do alone in the big city with a baby during the hours he was at the conference?

When the date drew near, we learned that the people Grant thought were attending the conference with him were not actually going to go. The person who did end up going along on the trip is a friend and colleague of his—and she brought her whole family with her. By the time we learned that, though, it would have cost us a fortune to get me a plane ticket. That twisted the knife in my heart—just a bit.

I’ve always wanted to go to New York. It isn’t my biggest dream destination, but it is one of those places I always wanted to see with my husband someday. A friend of mine growing up always dreamed of seeing New York, and I just dreamed of going on a long road trip. So together we dreamed that once we graduated high school, we would drive across the country to see New York City. Of course, that dream never happened. I didn’t end up going to the same high school as her, and as teenagers right out of high school, we weren’t nearly as wealthy as I had anticipated us being back in elementary school. I ended up taking a road trip in the opposite direction to move west to Oregon.

First off, even when Grant isn’t going someplace I’ve always wanted to see, I hate it when he goes out of town. HATE IT! I am a quality-time person, and being without my sweetie does not sit well with me. When we were first married, I made a goal for us to not spend one night apart during the first year. We didn’t make it. He had a work trip when I a midterm or a final I couldn’t miss, so we did end up spending a night apart. I don’t sleep well without him. I’m such a creature of habit, and I’m used to knowing his warm body is right there next to me in bed.

I’m pretty sure this is the longest stretch of time we’ve been apart during our marriage. It would be the longest stretch in our entire relationship except that he took a trip to Hawaii when we first started dating that overlapped a trip I took to Utah, and 9/11 happened leaving me stuck in Utah for a while. Believe me, I still give him guff for going to Hawaii (with a couple of girls!) without me.

I was pretty resigned to the NY trip. I was all prepared to have a good attitude, not mope in front of the kids, keep the house running as smoothly as possible, etc.

Grant was trying to get the kids excited about where Daddy was going. He has Google Drive set up on our computer so any pictures he takes with his phone automatically upload to my computer. He told the girls they could look at the pictures of what Daddy saw each day on Mommy’s computer.

I’ll try to make a long story short. The first night, when we saw pictures of Times Square and Central Park, it sent me into a tailspin. Of course he was going to see these places! But I didn’t want to have to think about it because it just made me feel sorry for myself. I broke down that night. I hated that he was having such an amazing experience alone that I had always imagined we would do together. I was jealous. I was left out. Life wasn’t fair!

I did fairly well the rest of the week, trying to keep a good attitude through all the physical and emotional exhaustion of caring for 3 little kids. I had highs and lows, but I kept myself from getting too caught up in wishing I was with Grant, doing the things he was doing. I also tried the best I could to keep from making Grant feel guilty that I was miserable. He tried to tell me he was saving some of the classic New York things to do for someday when he could come back with me. I told him to just enjoy and not save anything; who knows if we’ll ever make it out there together.

Last night, I couldn’t sleep. It was part muscle soreness, part lack-of-husband, part night-before-Christmas syndrome (knowing he would be coming home this evening). When I don’t get sleep, I don’t hold it together emotionally. I didn’t fall asleep until after 3am, and Curtis decided to be awake for the morning at 6am.

Eleanor wandered out a little after 7 and asked if we could look at Daddy’s pictures. We hadn’t been able to check them the last few nights, so we were behind. We started looking at the pictures from the days before and then caught up to this morning, looking at the photos that were uploading as we sat at the computer. We were seeing photos just moments after Grant took them!

We saw a few photos of the Empire State Building, and some shots in the lobby. Grant had told me the other night how expensive everything was there in NY. He said it cost $80 just to ride the elevator to the top of the Empire State Building. I knew at that price, he would never go to the top. When we went to Seattle, he wouldn’t pay $18 to see the top of the Space Needle. But as we went through a few more shots this is what came up:

Grant and I had been texting back and forth while Eleanor and I had been looking at the photos. Sure enough, he was—at that moment—on top of the Empire State Building. His colleague had an extra ticket, so he didn’t have to pay the expensive toll.

I was blindsided. Why couldn’t I just be a loving and supportive wife who was thrilled for her husband that he was able to have such a cool experience?! Because I’m selfish. And I was sleep-deprived. And lonely. And I just wasn’t ready to deal with that this morning. I cried a lot this morning. I didn’t even try to drag us all to church.

The dumbest part of this whole thing is that I don’t know if I’d take the chance to go with him if we could rewind. I have pretty much resigned myself to the fact that while I have young children, my place is with them. Who knows if I could have been happy on that trip being away from my girls for so long. And we wouldn’t have been able to see any plays or anything toting Curtis along with us. I couldn’t have left him behind since I’m breastfeeding, and I never would have wanted to be away from him for so long—he’s too young. I guess what was hardest is that, even though I’m resigned to that fact, it hadn’t occurred to me that Grant could still go do those things without me. I thought both of us were tied down. But I guess it’s different being a mother than being a father. Life isn’t fair sometimes.

My mom told me a great saying that my grandma used to say:

“Build a fence, and get over it.”

I had my cry. I spewed a bunch of words onto a Word document on the computer (that I’ll delete) just to get my feelings out. I did my best to take a nap when Curtis finally took a decent nap this afternoon. And then I finally felt a little better. Now I think I’m mostly left with the disappointment in myself that I could be so angry and jealous of Grant when I know he would have been happy for me if the situation were reversed.

But that realization also helps me see how truly blessed I am. I have a husband who shoos me out the door when I get a chance to have a girls’ night. He tells me to enjoy whenever I’m considering doing something indulgent for myself. And he certainly didn’t try to leave me behind when he was going away for an amazing trip to NY.

So who needs the Empire State Building? It’s just a stupid building. And it probably felt wobbly way up there at the top. I’m sure it was cold and the air was thin—and smoggy. And I’m absolutely certain Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks weren’t there in their early 90’s fashion. And a look down the side of the building would not show King Kong climbing up to greet me. And no matter how I tried to fiddle with the elevator, I’m sure it wouldn’t take me to Mount Olympus. So who needs it! Not me!

I have this guy coming home to me tonight, and that’s all that matters.

(minus the big bronze bull)

This morning, as I was crying over breakfast, Eleanor asked me what was wrong. I told her I had always wanted to go to the top of that building Daddy was on, and it made me sad to not be there with him. She put her arm around me and said, “I’m sure Daddy will think of something to make you feel like you’re at the top of that building.” She even reminded me when I put her to bed tonight, “Don’t worry, Mommy. I know Daddy will think of something. Maybe he’ll help you pretend you’re at the top of that building.” How I love her sweet love for her parents and her imagination. She is such a gift to me. If I had been at the top of the Empire State Building this morning, I would have missed having that moment with her this morning.I would have missed this girl’s craziness.

And I wouldn’t have been able to see this little guy try swinging for the very first time.

I swear I fell more in love with this boy every time I looked at him this week.

I have so much to be grateful for. I don’t know how I could get so upset over some silly skyscraper. I guess the road to perfection is still a very long one for me—no surprise there.

Phaedra: Bug Rescuer

This morning, I finished up changing Curtis’ diaper in the family room and realized Phaedra was pretty quiet in the other room. I walk into the living room where she looks up and says, “Look Mommy. I saved this little guy.”

Truth be told, I swallowed my disgust so I could congratulate her on saving the fly (from who knows what). Then I told her not to move so I could go get the camera. When I got back, she was hanging her head, and she told me he had flown away. Luckily, this little guy was on day 2 in our house (and was probably a little beat up from all her “love”), so he didn’t make it very far. Phaedra noticed him in the windowsill. While she pinched at him with two fingers, he made feeble attempts to buzz away. She jumped the first time he tried to buzz away from her, but my laughter strengthened her resolve. She went at him again, saying, “It’s okay, little guy. Remember me? I’m your friend” I had a slight twinge of conscience while I watched, but I considered how it would break her heart if I swatted him to put him out of his misery and decided he deserved what he got for trespassing in our home.

She got hold of him and placed the dazed fly in her hand so I could get a few pictures.

The next time he got away from her, I told her it was time to give him a break and go wash her hands (shudder).