I am Weary

I don’t usually like to get this personal on my blog. I like to keep it light and fluffy and about the kids. I might not even post this. Tonight, I just need a release. I just need to spew these feelings I have weighing so heavily on my heart.

Today was a bad day for my brother, Mike. He has had many bad days. Life has not been as kind to him as it has been to some people. He faces more problems than I can imagine ever having the strength to handle. Because of this, he has been drawn to trying to find a way out of this brutal life. My mother and I are his main source of support living close by. We try to help him. I often watch my mother wear herself thin trying to help him. Nothing is ever quite enough. There is always another challenge. I’m sure I could do more for him than I do. I try.

My heart aches for my mother who has worked so hard to try to help him. My heart aches for my brother who never asked for such a difficult lot in life, and yet things just keep getting worse. We pray for him often, and I pray for my mother. If anyone reads this, will you please pray for my brother? I think we need all the help we can get.

My comfort in all of the events today was in my family. I am so grateful to have in-laws who love my daughters so whole-heartedly and come to my aid without hesitation. I am grateful that I am here in Oregon so I could be here to be a support to my mother and be there with her when she needed me. I know my siblings love her dearly, as they do my brother, and I know they would be here helping if they could. I am grateful for the love they show and support they give in being in contact with us. I am so grateful for my sweet, innocent girls. They are such a comfort to me. After being away from them for a while to be with my mother, I was so glad to come back to them and be able to hold them. I pray that they never have the troubles in life I have seen my brother face. I pray I never have to watch them go through so much pain and suffering as my mother has watched Mike. I pray that I can protect them from harm, and I hope they can avoid that from which I cannot protect them. I am so glad that my girls were able to have a pleasant evening with their grandma and their uncle, and then I was able to take them home and tuck them safely into bed.

I’ll be okay. I just had to get that out. Please pray for my brother.