Mother’s Day, 2010: A Short Novel

My Mother’s Day started on Saturday morning with sleeping in and breakfast in bed, French toast. I moved my breakfast to the table so we could all eat together. Eleanor insisted on having a tray under her food just like mine. She kept asking me if it could be Mother’s Day and Kid’s Day. I told her it might as well be since I wouldn’t be a mother without her.

Later, we all went shopping together. I got a new pillow because Grant’s has been too worn out for a long time, now. Grant has been trying to worm his way onto my pillow at night for the past several years, while I have tried to insist that even in marriage, I should have a few things that are just mine. Now, he finally has sole custody, and I have a fresh new pillow. We went to World Market and admired some of the pretty things there. I found all sorts of things to want, which is why I should never go shopping. We got a special Mother’s Day treat for me: a few of their 72% cacao chocolate bars. They are some of my favorite chocolate bars ever! Then, we went and got the aforementioned shoes. It was a beautiful day, perfect for walking from store to store. Phaedra walked the whole way, holding my finger. She loved feeling so grown up.

We got home, and Grant worked in the yard a bit and let the girls play outside while I worked on lunch. After lunch, Eleanor discovered a sliver in her finger and proceeded to have a major meltdown. She would cry for a while until she agreed to let Grant try to take it out. Then, as soon as he would go near her, she would pull back and have another melt down. This pattern continued for most of the afternoon.

I got out some nail polish to try to distract her (and to prep my toenails for my new shoes). After I painted my toes, Phaedra’s toes and fingers, and finally Eleanor’s toes, Eleanor was just starting to calm down a little. Grant took the girls on an impromptu walk. As they left the yard, I tried to convince myself to throw my shoes on and join them, thinking of the little moments I might miss. But, I was so tired from listening to Eleanor’s screaming, and I couldn’t bear the thought of listening to any more possible whining or crying. I had thoughts of taking a nice long shower while they were gone, but then I decided to earn my shower by cleaning the bathroom from top to bottom. The cleaning was much needed, and I enjoyed being able to do it without little hands getting into the cleaner or walking away with the mouthwash.

Our plans were to just have a quiet Mother’s Day at home. I had talked to my mother, and she had mentioned how they would have company and we could do something another day. Grant had spoken with his dad who had said that his mother would be in Silverton at Grandma’s, and they weren’t going out there because Alex had too much homework. So, I didn’t worry about making the gifts over the weekend since we wouldn’t be seeing anyone. Then, after we put the kids to bed Saturday evening, Grant said he had spoken with his dad again, and his mother wasn’t going to Silverton after all. No problem. Grant and I stayed up late so I could put together her gift, and I had Grant cut out felt for the project the girls were going to do. Also, Grant prepped a bunch of photos because he knew his dad was giving his mother a digital picture frame for Mother’s Day. That night, Grant tried to inch onto my new pillow. Some things never change.

Sunday morning, I got to sleep in again, and Grant made me the breakfast of my choice, eggs and tortillas this time. I was rather tired from staying up so late. We had a nice slow morning since Grant didn’t have to go to an Elders’ Quorum meeting. I talked to my mother on the phone, and she asked about what we were doing that day. She didn’t come out and say it, but I got the feeling she wanted to see us. We haven’t spent very many Mother’s Days with my mother. Most of my other siblings live in Utah, so there has never been a big gathering to attend. And most of the time, she goes to the coast with my Gary.

Between trying to figure out our plans for the day and trying (and failing) to get Phaedra to nap, we ended up late for church. Eleanor was throwing a tantrum as we left because she didn’t get to finish the show she started watching while Phaedra was supposed to be napping. As soon as we sat down in the very back of the chapel, Eleanor started bawling and wouldn’t stop. No one knows why. Grant brought her back calm a few minutes later. They weren’t sitting with me for two minutes before she started up again, and Grant had to take her out. It made me think of last Mother’s Day, and I remembered a moment of feeling like my kids must have sensed a shift in the universe that caused them to be the worst behaved, most draining children they have ever been. It looked as if this year was going to be a repeat.

Then, something happened. Eleanor was calm again, sitting in my lap, and out of the blue, she reached up to turn my head and whispered, practically squishing her lips against my ear, “When I grow up, I want to be a girl like you.” I gave her a big hug and told her I loved her, and my eyes spilled over with tears. She probably just meant she wants to be a girl like me and not a boy like Daddy, but I got more out of it than that. I had been feeling inadequate leading up to this Mother’s Day, as if maybe I hadn’t earned a day in my honor. To have her say that she wants to be like me really struck me. I felt like maybe I wasn’t doing so poorly after all. It changed my whole day. Then, she went up to the front of the chapel with the Primary and sang me a few songs.

Grant and I devised a plan to try to visit both grandmas in one day, which is no easy feat with two little girls who aren’t always happy to pack up and leave. We left church early and headed home to eat lunch while I threw together my mother’s gift and Grant helped the girls with their craft to give to the grandmas. Then, it was off to Studio Grandma’s house. No one was there. Somewhere along the line, we received a miscommunication, and they actually did go to Silverton (sigh). We were in a spontaneous mindset, so we went to Dallas first to visit Laughing Grandma. We dropped off her gift, and the girls got to see her 3 new chicks. I had Grant take a few pictures of the girls and me before we left for Silverton.

We got to Silverton, had a little dessert as a substitution for dinner and visited at Aunt Kristi’s house for a bit. Before leaving, we had to run to Grandma Mills’ house to install the photos on her digital frame, and then, guess what? We headed back to West Salem to install photos on Grant’s mom’s digital frame, which had been present at Aunt Kristi’s, but Grant didn’t have time to get the files on it before they were ready to leave! We left for home at 9pm, and it was quite a bit later that the girls were actually in bed, asleep.

The day would have been a perfect opportunity for me to build up a list of complaints, complaints about scurrying to finish gifts, being tired, hungry, dragged all over town, dealing with hungry kids, and getting kids to bed way too late. But that’s not how I saw it at all (okay, so the kids staying up so late irked me a bit, but the rest wasn’t so bad). I actually was the one who encouraged Grant to just keep driving so we could finish what we set out to accomplish. I think it was what Eleanor said to me that changed my perspective. After that, only the good parts of the day mattered to me. Here’s what will stick with me about my Mother’s Day afternoon and evening:

• Watching my girls walk up to their grandmas with the flowers they made and watching each grandma accept them.
• A long Sunday drive.
• A little reading in the car.
• Watching Eleanor hold baby chicks, and watching Phaedra give them wary looks.
• Throwing things at Grant to try to get the girls to look at him and smile for a picture.
• Feeling girly in my new shoes.
• Grant softly touching my knee in the car.
• Listening to Phaedra try to sing “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” in the car: “Twinka, Twinka ahhhhhh! Up abuh da ahhhhhhh! ” and increasing in volume at the end of each line.
• Eating pound cake with strawberries and whipped cream (two helpings) with Phaedra on my lap.
• Hearing Phaedra say, “Staw-buh-dut,” when she wanted more strawberries.
• Watching Eleanor enjoy playing with a friend (Grant’s cousin’s daughter –don’t ask me how Eleanor and she are related. I get too confused about the “once/twice/thrice removed” stuff).
• Aunt Kathi gushing over how beautiful Phaedra is (hearing that stuff never gets old).
• Feeling blessed to be where I am right now.

I’ll post pictures in my next post, since this one got so long.

I hope all you other women, mothers or not, had a wonderful day. You deserve it.